how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's blow job season.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
