Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
