You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The uberlube is also flammable
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
