I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
