My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i came on her dog
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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