yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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