I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
