I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's shark week go big or go home
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think my moral compass just broke
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