its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
