Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
