btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
