so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
