Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
