Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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