i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
