Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
