i already hear my dad disowning me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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