Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
