Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
