he wants to bone in the snuggie
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
