Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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