Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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