I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
