We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
