At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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