I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
