It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
