dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love black thongs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
