We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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