There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
