Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
