Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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