My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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