I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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