ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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