My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
