susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
