ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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