girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
