Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
