things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
