Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
