i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
