When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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