Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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