i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
