Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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