words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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