there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
