Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
