Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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